My.. Fuck You Poem ( written and then entirely forgotten after a fairly intense 5Rhythms weekend)

Boy this is buried deep,
Perhaps too deep. Leave it be?
Fuck that, it’s cost you too much,
Friends, job, sleep, and all those
Fags, bottles of gin… darkness.

Boy this is an old story
Born the day I entered the world
In fact no, probably way before.
He was a bastard and so was I
Fuck that idea, not my cross.

Boy this feels like it is all I am
All I can ever be me/ him
I live his anger, was his anger
Fuck me do I have to be the same
Carrying this shame, his pain.

Boy that was something- what-not good
Not bad- deeply hearty pounding stuff
I know I forgave you weeks ago, still it rages
Fuck the dance, fuck Pol, fuck David, and fuck fatherhood
Fuck nature and life, fuck being gay
In the fucking best of fucking ways

Boy, it made me feel just like
A fractured, aimless broken youth
Weak from fear and weak from anger
My fucking anger, his fucking shameful rage
It hurts my head, my heart, my soul-me

Boy naming this is hard and it hurts
Too late now the dare is on
The cat is really free of the bag
Fuck you Charlie Creelin and
Your anger, and shame and your fucked up brain

So here goes after 54 years
Fuck you father for being a cunt
Fuck you dad for making me the run
Fuck you , you mad angry broken bastard
Fuck you for your heavy hand, your verbal lashings
Fuck you for never hugging, never loving
Fuck you for always blaming me
Fuck you for hating me
Fuck you for never calling me
Fuck you for fiercely beating me
Fuck you for stealing from me
Fuck you for shaming me
Fuck you for scaring the shit out of me
Fuck you for making me want to kill
Fuck you for killing my love
Fuck you for chasing me away
Fuck you for costing me life and family
Fuck you for leaving me this way
Fuck, I wish you had just fucked me- period.
Fuck right off now and die-please.


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